


Another Time

by FreckledSkittles



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, Flashbacks, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Sex, Multi, Past Olivia Benson/Alexandra Cabot - Freeform, Past Relationship(s), in this house we love wlw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 06:35:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23347030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreckledSkittles/pseuds/FreckledSkittles
Summary: Amanda Rollins gave off the same energy as Alex Cabot. She was blonde, she was feisty, she was gorgeous. Their stubbornness was similar. But Alex had an air of elegance to her. Amanda was more rugged, more prone to get dirty, less in touch with her femininity.And just like Alex, Olivia appreciates Amanda for her character and her dedication to stating her beliefs, even if she was the only person speaking. Even when Olivia Benson falls in deep love with her.
Relationships: Olivia Benson/Alexandra Cabot, Olivia Benson/Amanda Rollins
Comments: 5
Kudos: 34





	Another Time

**Author's Note:**

> hasbleidy_ on Twitter made a Rolivia tweet which started a conversation about Olivia Benson having a type between Amanda and Alexandra Cabot and LISTEN I am here for angry sassy blonde women who love and cherish Olivia Benson AS SHE DESERVES  
> To which I asked if I could write a fic about it because Olivia Benson deserves SO MUCH GOOD featuring that good Rolivia-Cabenson feels and they were more than happy to read it!! So here you go! <3
> 
> I really think that I need to write more Rolivia because the amount of support there is in early Amanda Rollins being a straight-up lesbian/bi icon is so obvious and so PAINFUL that it is an absolute tragedy
> 
> Justice for Rolivia please and thank you this has been my TEDTalk
> 
> Enjoy!!

When Olivia first met her, she didn’t think she would fall in love as fast and as hard as she did. Even if it wasn’t technically love, there was no way she could keep her emotions in check when it came to her. Especially when she walked into the bullpen for the first time and Olivia watched her saunter across the floor. For a brief second, she saw another woman walk by—this one with her hair flowing behind her, glasses perched on her nose, body lean and tall and made of porcelain—and she had to make sure she wasn’t seeing things. She already looked up every time someone walked past Elliot’s desk or entered the precinct. She didn’t need to see old flames too.

Amanda Rollins gave off the same energy as Alex Cabot. She was blonde, she was feisty, she was gorgeous. Their stubbornness was similar, though gathered from different sources. But Alex had an air of elegance to her, a stature with poise and a voice that demanded to be heard without negotiation. Amanda was more rugged, more prone to get dirty, less in touch with her femininity. And just like Alex, Olivia appreciates Amanda for her character and her dedication to stating her beliefs, even if she was the only person speaking.

Work has always been first. It’s all Olivia knows how to do. There is no line between her professional and her private life. Alex helped divide it, as short as their time together may have been. But maybe, for Amanda, it would be worth it to try again.

* * *

“Hey. Got you something.”

Olivia looks up to find a lone coffee in a drink holder. Amanda, glasses pushed up on top of her head, holds it out for her. “Paying off a debt?” Olivia says, teasing in the way she plucks her drink from the carrier and smirks.

Amanda scoffs and rolls her eyes, equally as playful. “Yeah, you could say that.” Her accent has tamed in the year since she’s arrived in New York. It probably hasn’t been allowed to thrive, with all the brash words and misplaced vowels surrounding her. “I owe Fin from yesterday.”

“What happened?”

She shrugs and raises her hands. “Sorry, I’m sworn to secrecy.” She pauses, smirks, and leans forward. “But he didn’t have a dentist appointment last Tuesday.”

Olivia chuckles. As Amanda goes to her desk, she realizes that the only people who have coffee are her, Fin, and Amanda. Nick is out getting a warrant; Munch is chatting with Fin; Cragen is on a phone call. They don’t have drinks from the same coffee shop, and in Nick’s case, there’s nothing waiting for him on his return.

She tries not to smile too wide into her coffee. She fails and burns her tongue instead.

* * *

_ Olivia’s crush was obvious. When she walked out of an interrogation room and saw Alex watching her, eyeing her critically and no one else, her shoulders sagged and her heart twisted in its chest, unable to break away from the tall woman’s attention. Elliot would tease her about it later, always emphasizing the second syllable in “Cabot” and sharpening the “t” to a sharp point. Munch, the first person to know the most about her interest in Alex, would smirk behind his glasses and make excuses to leave so that they could have a spare moment together. _

_ But it wasn’t just her. She heard where Alex’s eyes landed when she walked out of a room. She felt her breath on her neck as much as Alex felt the scrape of their fingers. Olivia didn’t need to kiss her breathless against her office door or writhe underneath Alex’s tongue, on top of Alex’s sheets, to know that. But the reassurance—the reminder—was nice. _

_ “I was thinking we could have pizza for dinner,” Olivia offered. She had met up with Alex outside of the courthouse and walked down the steps with her, fingers a breath apart, pace evenly matched. “We can go to that pie shop in Chelsea.” _

_ “The one with the logo that you said looks like a lazy rendition of Michelangelo’s David?” Alex laughs softly, throwing her head back with the sound when Olivia grins and shrugs. “I’m okay with that. Would you like sausage on your pie?” _

_ “Mushrooms will do,” Olivia says. Her eyes drift down below Alex’s neck, not unintentional and not a foreign motion at all. “They always tasted better to me.” _

_ Alex smiles and switches her briefcase to her other hand so she can entwine their fingers together. _

* * *

Olivia has never been able to keep a crush under control. It doesn’t stay discreet for her, and when it happens in a work environment, the signs increase tenfold. And since her personal life is nonexistent, there’s no hope for her to keep her interest in Amanda Rollins a secret.

Nick is the first person to say something about it to her. They’re having dinner at her apartment—they were chasing down judges all day and brought shawarma over—watching whatever trashy reality show is on and getting invested in it despite their criticisms. In the year he’s been her partner, and with the latest tension between them finally dying down, Olivia is glad to know Nick. They get each other in a way that doesn’t require words, something she’s used to and greatly admires, but he’s more pleasant to sit with off-the-clock. He gets her jokes and returns them with his own jibes, grinning and nudging her with a sharp elbow. Work doesn’t follow them around.

It’s not until later, after they finish dinner, that Olivia realizes her interest in Amanda has been noticed. She picks up her phone to find a text from Amanda—she had finally gotten the signatures for the two warrants Barba had suggested and was delivering them with Fin as they spoke—and lingers a bit too long while responding. She noticed the way her voice tripped over the person she was messaging and hoped he didn’t catch it.

He did.

Nick tilts his head, saying nothing at first, but leaning forward when she puts her phone down. “Are you and Amanda, y’know…” He waves his hand in the air, a vague motion like a gust of wind, and flexes his fingers. Olivia plays dumb and just blinks at him. “Involved?”

“No,” Olivia says. The corners of her lips twist up for a brief moment. “We’re not.”

“Alright. Fin was wondering.”

“I’m sure he was.”

Silence, then; “If you’re interested—”

“I can tell you?”

Nick smirks. “It might not be unrequited.”

Olivia fiddles with a stray thread from the pillow on her sofa. “I’m gonna pretend you didn’t just say that and break what I assume was Amanda’s confidentiality.”

Nick shakes his head, alarm crossing over his expression. “What? No, Liv, I didn’t—I would never—” He takes a breath and starts over. “No one told me anything. I’m just saying, from what I’ve seen, you like Amanda, and Amanda likes you.”

Olivia scoffs. “It sounds like we’re talking with Zara about drama at school.”

“Maybe. But it’s called puppy love for a reason, right?”

Perhaps it was. Sometimes, it felt like anything but.

* * *

_ Alex liked her image. She wanted to maintain the composure and grace that accompanied her name. She liked to keep her head up at all times, even when she was faced with acquittals at trial or had to drop charges. Everyone—from the precinct to the courthouse—was made sure of that fact, not by her words but by her actions. Rarely anyone had gotten the chance to see her softest sides. _

_ But Olivia knew how to help her drop those shields. She knew the right way to lick into the curve of her navel, right along the dip of her hipbone, and part her lips with airy moans. She knew that Alex was most sensitive in that area, all quivering stomach muscles and parted thighs. Each “yes” that her mouth formed—lips quick to demand and dripping with pleading lust—drove Olivia further. Alex always knew where to pull her hair and remind her of the task at hand. _

_ Alex had admired her breasts and toyed with her nipples until she came, shuddering and crying out from the waves of pleasure that crashed into her and robbed her of her breath. It’s only fair Olivia pays her back, even if she would have done it without prompting and with Alex’s pure enthusiasm to stick her face between her legs. _

* * *

“What do you mean you can’t take this to trial?” Amanda snaps at Barba, who keeps his desk between them when her eyes burn with fury and she turns to him fast enough to give herself whiplash.

“I mean,” Barba glares back, hands propped on his hips just beside the rabbit ears of his suspenders, “your case is shot to bits. She petitioned the court to change the order of protection from a full order to a limited order and the judge is considering it. If she goes back to him, you know he’ll convince her that nothing happened, and I won’t have a case.”

Amanda huffs at the explanation; Olivia didn’t blame her. They had put in overtime two days in a row to build a case that was fit for trial, and Barba telling them, in not so many words, that it was a waste of their time would make anyone furious. “But a limited order doesn’t make the case null and void. When they’re together, he can’t commit any crime to her.”

“You didn’t hear what she wanted.” Barba glances between them and sits down behind his desk. All he needs to do is turn his head to the work in front of him, the same paperwork he had been working on when they barged in, and his sign of dismissal would be complete. “She said they can work it out in the comfort of their home. I hate this as much as you do, but the DA doesn’t want to pressure her and scare her away from us if or when she changes her mind. We need to strategize.”

“There has to be another way,” Olivia says.

Barba scoffs. “You tried! I’ve seen enough of these cases to know that the more you scare them into stepping away from their husbands, the more you scare them back to the abuse.”

“Does your breath ever stink from the sewage that leaks out of your mouth?” Amanda retorts.

Olivia—biting back the rising amusement in her gut—physically steps between Amanda and Barba, who looks on with an irritated scowl and a dramatic eyeroll. “Alright, so we can’t get him one way. Can we get him any other way?”

They go through a few more options, all of which Barba shoots down without so much as a second thought, before he gives a half-hearted promise to try and convince his bosses to ease up a bit. Olivia and Amanda leave One Hogan Place with more frustration but at least some answers, even if they weren’t the ones they had wanted to hear.

Amanda is angry, that much is clear. They drove in Olivia’s car, so she doesn’t slam the door when they get in, but she scowls out the window and stews the entire ride back to the 16th. She lightens up a bit when Olivia offers to grab her a coffee—“my treat, I owe you one”—and it lifts her mood. While they wait for their drink orders, Amanda’s shoulders sag with the release of tension and she’s a bit more talkative.

“Did you see that couple walk by with their dog?” She asks; Olivia nods. “I was thinking about adopting.”

“Really?

“It’ll provide some company. And it wouldn’t hurt to have a guard around after everything happened with my sister.” Their orders are ready and Olivia picks them up, passing Amanda her order; she continues when they walk outside. “Or, y’know, a companion.”

Olivia hums softly. “A companion could do some good. I haven’t had one of those in a long time.”

“Barba hasn’t, either.” 

Olivia bites back a laugh at the retort; of course she would find a way to rant about their hostile meeting. She would be surprised if she didn’t try.

“Was it just me,” Amanda muses, “or did he seem extra bitchy today?”

“I think he’s just frustrated. He’s probably getting as much heat from this case as we are.”

“I hope that’s the reason.” Amanda pauses, her lips curving in a smile, and she looks up at Olivia with a wry expression. Olivia’s heart hammers against her chest. “Actually, scratch that. I don’t think I could think of anything you’re wrong about even if I tried.”

Olivia chuckles dryly. “I can think of a few.”

“I wasn’t there. You’ve worked this job for so long, there’s no way your intuition is almost flawless.” Amanda bows her head and simpers. “I mean, how could it not when you’re Olivia Benson?”

She doesn’t respond to that, just sips her coffee and tells herself that the fondness in her voice is part of her imagination.

* * *

_ “ Sometimes, I wonder what things would have been like if you hadn’t gone into witness protection. ” _

_ Alex looks up from the stovetop when Olivia speaks up and frowns. They had met one last time before Alex left the country to help women in other corners of the world suffering in war-torn corners of the world. Although the three-year separation has changed them, possibly for the better but perhaps for the worse, Olivia is glad they have been able to catch a few nights in each other’s apartments, a few dinners in candlelights, framed by tangled fingers and flush palms. _

_ Olivia glances up from the small round table in the kitchen. There is very little about the Alex she used to run away to that remains in her new place, even if the blonde woman still looks the same, still feels the same under her fingertips, still smells like leather-bound books in a law library and tea on a rainy afternoon. Olivia offers a smile, her eyes drifting down to the underwear she pulled on and the shirt she didn’t bother to button up, lingering on her navel. It was still as sensitive as the first time they touched each other sans clothes. “Nothing bad. Just…wistful thinking.” _

_ Alex scoffs, amused, and resumes making breakfast, grabbing a spatula from a jar next to her sink. “I hope so. It’d damper the mood if it was something else.” _

_ Olivia laughs. “I agree. That’s why I didn’t bring it up.” _

_ “Mm.” A few strands of hair fall from the bun she had thrown up, twirling in the dim light of the sun and glowing. “I’ll miss you.” _

_ “Don’t stay for me,” Olivia says, surprising herself with how quickly she utters the words. “You’re destined for great things, Alex.” _

_ “I know. I just can’t help but wonder too. If I had stayed…,” she halts, twirls the spatula in her hands, drops it back on the counter. “I don’t know. A lot of good went on without me. A lot of bad, too, but a lot of good. Maybe it was one of those things that’s supposed to happen.” _

_ Olivia stands from the chair, wary but ready to dive in if she needed a shoulder for support. “Alex…” _

_ She shakes her head. A few more strands fall. “I don’t mean it like that. But if…if I was supposed to leave, at some point, and that’s just how it happened, I can accept that. I can accept that life can be more fluid than we think or want, and if we go along with it, we may end up in places we wouldn’t have seen before.” Alex turns to Olivia, her eyes burning with desire, the same fury that lights up inside her during court, the same passion that roars to life every time she hears about the shifting laws in another state or a different country. “I don’t know if I would be here without my three-year absence.” _

_ It hurts Olivia’s heart to think about how much she’s going to lose again, but the world should know how powerful she is. They should see what it’s like to have her walk into a room and grab the air from their throats. To have her speak for them, in favor of them, and to hold her support in her hands like a cupped hand dipped into a river: never big enough to hold, never able to grab the same water twice. Alex is a woman destined for greatness, just on a different path. _

_ Olivia smiles, sad and resigned, and leans into Alex’s hug when she wraps her arms around her shoulders and squeezes. Olivia knows exactly where she would be. She didn’t leave SVU in the moments she’s wanted to quit. She isn’t going to try now or ever. _

* * *

“Who was that?” Nick asks Amanda when she gets off the phone. They had a slow day, more catching up on open cases than gathering new ones, and the call had come in right when Amanda returned from lunch. Olivia works on typing up her report but catches bits of the conversation.

Amanda rolls her eyes, almost throwing her phone across her desk. “My mom. She thinks New York has changed me for the worse because of my hours. As if I wasn’t pulling eighteen hours a day in Atlanta.”

Nick snorts, probably relating on some level to it, and returns to his computer with a drawn-out sigh. “I hear that. At least she’s miles away from you.”

“It’s still not far enough.” Olivia glances up to watch Amanda pause, step back mentally, and pick up with a new-found fury. She always did when she got fired up about something and made a comment that, to her, sounded too much like acceptance of the situation. She needed others to know when she did not agree with her predicament. “Y’know what I’ll never get? I’m trying to be a public servant and help others, but I’m shamed for trying to fight a good fight. Like there are other people who are doing this, and why should I have to do it?”

Nick just shrugs; the squad knows better than to say anything when she’s just starting. She’ll let them know when it’s safe to speak.

Amanda jabs her finger at the door. “Do you see volunteers running through those doors? Or the legislatures rewriting laws that don’t better their political agenda and values?” She waves her arms around to the entirety of the squad room. “Doctors get to do this, but apparently, a detective working in sex crimes is  _ too much _ for Mama.” Nick chuckles at the last part, garnering a similar reaction from Amanda. “What? Stop laughing, what is it?”

“Nothing,” he says, “you have a point. Doctors either have great jobs or they’re shitty.”

Amanda frowns and slumps into her chair. “I guess SVU just hits different for others.”

Olivia is broken out of her eavesdropping when Nick addresses her directly. “Liv, you’ve worked here longer than us. What is it about SVU that some people just don’t understand?”

She pauses to think about it, weaving together coherent thoughts for a legitimate response. Almost every detective that has flowed through their ranks has had conflicts with the way they do their job. It may as well come with the job description. “It’s hard to describe, but SVU is unique. Our cases are specific, it’s rare for any other detective unit to do our work. And sometimes, it requires a certain mindset to be the ones who administer that standard across the NYPD.”

“Is that why the average time people spend here is two years?” Amanda scoffs.

Olivia gives a small shrug. “We all go through stages in our lives. Sometimes, people like us need a job like this. And we’ll finish with it and move on. It’s natural.”

“Not you?” Nick asks.

“I’ve certainly thought about it.” There’s no use in hiding the truth of the matter. The days she’s wondered if her talents would be better in a different environment have gone unnumbered for far too long. “But I don’t think I’ll ever be able to leave. There’s too much work here to be done. If I can help someone, even one person, find peace, then all my years will be worth it.”

Nick nods in understanding but it’s Amanda’s reaction that catches her eye. The blonde woman looks away, biting her lip and rolling it between her teeth. Her hands turn into fists as she grips her desk tightly, and her hips move uneasily in place. It almost looks like Amanda was touched by her words, but to think there could be another angry, pretty, blonde woman that returns such intimate feelings sounds like a long reach.

She won’t think that later tonight, when Amanda asks her to grab a bite to each and then asks to kiss her in the elevator. Olivia can’t get her hands on her fast enough. She’ll find out how sensitive Amanda’s shoulders are, how much she likes having fingers through her hair. She’ll discover her taste and her hands, her curves and her lips. Olivia will encase herself in everything Amanda, from the blonde waves of hair that flow over her shoulders like sunbeams to the toes she stands on to kiss her recklessly, always in a rush, always wanting more, always demanding it.

But that’s for another time.


End file.
